One Fine Morning on Olympus Mons

"Oh fuck, it's that Earth species. I must have thrown away fifty of those textile-poles they leave everywhere, last season alone."

"Yeah, why do they do that?"

"They think that putting those poles in a thing makes that thing belong to them."

"What? Wait, really?"

"I know. So weird. [Hands portable data viewer to second Martian] Here, watch this Eddie Izzard bit. He explains the whole thing."

"Bizarre. So, can they not urinate?"

"No, they urinate too. They just do the textile-pole thing instead when they feel the need to mark. Urination is primarily waste elimination for them."

"But urine is the universal marker. Urine is how we know Earth is owned by cats. I can't even see any of those textile-poles from here. But I can clearly smell that Earth continent there belongs to the Confederacy of Princess Meowmers. How can they be so silly?"

"I know. And get this: they plan to leave the solar system one day."

"You're kidding. A species that ignorant, in interstellar space? Boggles the plorfox. I'd like to be there when they meet their first Noor-quu."

"Will not be pretty. They'll learn fast enough that when a Noor-quu proffers its g'norx, you accept it and smile, I suppose."

"So, that one is sticking its textile-pole in the ground. Looks like your lawn belongs to it, now."

"Ha, yeah. I guess junior won't have to mow the fraa'f anymore. She'll be happy about that."

"It's kind of pretty, flapping in the breeze like that. What's that pattern on it? Is that their language?"

"I don't think so. I looked it up, once. It's symbolic, but not a language. I'll pull it up on the portaview: 'Centered in the flag, seven rings form a flower—a symbol of the life on Earth. The rings are linked to each other, which represents how everything on our planet, directly or indirectly, are linked...The blue field represents water which is essential for life—also as the oceans cover most of our planet's surface.'"

"Aw, that's kind of sweet. So, why are they leaving their planet anyway?"

"They poisoned their flowers, the interconnected life, and the oceans."

"...We should probably get that thing off your lawn."