Monday, July 31, through Sunday, August 8, 2006.
- Distance traveled by land in kilometres (miles): 315 (195)
- By sea: 42 (26)
- By air: 6800 (4224)
- Hours by which my originally-scheduled flight from Edmonton to Boston via Montreal was delayed: 1.75
- Hours by which my rescheduled flight via Toronto landed in Boston before my originally-scheduled arrival: 1.33
- Chance that any sane person would willingly choose to fly through Toronto Pearson International Airport (YYZ) even if it means shaving hours off one's trip: slim to none
- Number of Grammy-nominated songs written about Toronto Pearson International Airport: at least one
- Possible conclusions one may draw from the above concerning the mental health of Geddy Lee and Neil Peart of Rush: only one
- Average daily temperature recorded at Logan International Airport (BOS) over the period Monday, July 31, through Friday, August 4, 2006 in °C (°F): 26 (80)
- Average daily temperature recorded at Edmonton International Airport (YEG) over the same period: 14 (57)
- Maximum temperature recorded at Logan International Airport over the above: 36 (98)
- Maximum temperature recorded at Edmonton International Airport: 22 (72)
- Minimum temperature recorded at Logan International Airport over the above: 18 (66)
- Minimum temperature recorded at Edmonton International Airport: 7 (45)
- Normal maximum perspiration rate in litres per hour: 1.5
- Factor by which I surpass that on a daily basis: 2.09
- Number of consecutive business trips (including this one) in which a public transport operator engaged me in a conversation about his GERD: 2
- Brewpubs, breweries and microbreweries in Massachusetts: 80–100
- Sheets to the wind I was when I misfired at the urinal: 2.—Hey!Whadderya lookin' at? I just had a little acshident, OK?
- Minutes to dry a urine-soaked pair of shorts with wads of toilet paper and your own breath: 23
- Pounds of New England lobster eaten: 1.2
- Cost in USD of the above: 10
- Minutes to conclude that I cannot simultaneously eat lobster and look suave in front of the Lark Voorhies look-alike sitting at the next table: 3.67
- Further minutes to conclude that the fact that I was eating lobster is irrelevant: 2.04
- Number of pill bottles I brought with me: 3
- Percentage of the above that actually contained pills: 33
- Percentage of the above used to smuggle dirt out of the country as a souvenir for a friend: 33
- Percentage of the above brought because I'm neurotic: 33
- Average number of hyperlinks in a Brownian Motion post: 4.81
- Number of hyperlinks in this one: 11
- Times I was threatened with being shot: 1
- Packages of cigarettes the would-be shooter bought me beforehand: 1
- Times the would-be shooter assured me he "ain't no fuckin' quee-ah": 4
- Reasons (besides the above) not to hop into a '78 Caddy with a redneck listening to Jethro Tull: nearly infinite
- How much pleasure I get from telling the story: C'mon. I mean, c'mon! Jethro Tull?! How crazy is that shit?
- Percentage of the time I spent not hung-over at the conference my job sent me to (and the ostensible reason for the trip): 65
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† My sincere‡ apologies to both Harper's Magazine and The Onion.
‡ By 'sincere' I mean 'half-assed attempt to avoid copyright violation'.
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